Momnesia The Book

Feelin' the Love

Ah, kids. They're so full of love, aren't they?

Just the other morning my four-year-old appeared next to my bed at the crack of dawn. "Go downstairs wif me," she commanded.

We did the whole, "Go back to sleep!" "No, I CAN'T, Mommy!!" routine for a while, then I finally dragged myself out of bed and scooped her up.

As I was carrying her downstairs, I noticed her little knees and little hands. I was overcome with how tiny and cute she was. So I plopped her down on the couch and said, "Claire, you are SO CUTE!"

Her response was somewhat chilly:

 
Me: "I'll turn on the T.V. in a second. Just look at your little PJs! And your little feet! How adorable are you??"

Looking straight ahead, she repeated:

 

Me: "Claire, I just love you so much! You're my little baby!"

 

I know: it was such a tender moment.

 

Later, I went upstairs to find my six-year-old playing in her room.

 

"Hi Kate!" I said merrily.

 

She took one look at me and excitedly shrieked:

 

This was not good news.

 
Rebecca

As I searched for the flat iron, I tried one last outreach to Claire. "Claire, how much do you love your mommy?" I yelled.

 

There was a pause. Then, finally, a response. "My show is over!" she shouted indignantly.

 

"I need to write these wonderfully magical moments down in her baby book," I thought to myself.

 

But wait - Claire's baby book is pretty much blank. Haven't quite gotten around to filling it out yet... hmm. I guess I'll blog about these tender moments instead. And so here we are. Feelin' the love.

 

"The List"

I was quoted in the Orange County Register, in this article about the link between childhood obesity and TV commercials. I was talking to the reporter, telling her that *yes* my kids see TV commercials and *yes,* as a result they totally recognize the sugar cereals in the grocery store.

Right now, in fact, my kids are in love with this Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercial where the cereal eats itself. (If you think that sounds disturbing, you're right.) They'll rewind the DVR and watch it over and over. And they'll shout, "WE WANT IT!"

Sigh.

They're like this with all the commercials. They want everything and they will memorize the whereabouts of each item. For example, Kate will often inform me that she wants a toy and it is:

The Register reporter was asking me what I do about all this. When the kids are yelling that they want X, Y or Z, what do I say? 

I'll tell you what I say. I inform the children that we will add the item to...

The List. The "official" List of Everything They Want. And you know what? They are entirely satisfied by this solution. I keep waiting for them to demand to see this List. This would be mildly problematic because no such list exists. At all.

Back in the day, I could have scribbled some stuff down and passed it off as The List, but that avenue of escape is closing as Kate learns how to read (darn school).

But so far, so good. Claire will go crazy in a store, overwhelmed by everything she wants.

And I'll nod my head, very seriously. Then I will tell her:

I won't even write anything down. Doesn't she know I can't remember anything??

Oh well, we'll see how long this charade lasts. I probably should just start making a list, but if you read my post about lists, you know I have a problem in that area.

Instead, I think I'll just let this roll. If they order me to produce The List I'll just start talking about that commercial for Cinnamon Toast Crunch. "Can you guys believe the cereal ate itself? How great is that!"
 

The Momnesia Alarm Clock

A momnesia-inflicted brain is a funny thing, and my friend Krista is a walking example.

We will be at the park talking about something. A normal conversation, nothing big. But every five minutes (almost exactly) she will gasp and shout in a panic:

Then five minutes later:

Then five minutes later:

 

It's that momnesia alarm clock. It kicks in when you are out in public, after your brain has been on autopilot for a few minutes. Then you snap out of it and think, "Where's the baby!?" Invariably, she is right there. In your arms. But still - momentary panic.

I reminded Krista of her "Where's Téa" outbursts and she laughed. She admitted that they are frequent -- and not slowing down.

A pause. Then I said, "You know, I think I'm going to write about that on the blog."

Krista, walking example of momnesia, replied: "Write about what?"

 

Best to Avoid Presentations

Momnesia won't last your whole life (probably...) but while you're in the throes of it, you might want to avoid giving any presentations. Just a suggestion.

Katy Morgan writes about this situation on her blog, and there are other funny momnesia moments shared in the comments section of her post. While you're over there, be sure to check out her "About Us" page. It's totally entertaining. I've never seen one like it.   

Happy reading! And remember: no presentations!

 

To-do: Find My To-do List

We momnesia sufferers know how important it is to write things down. We also know that this "solution" can quickly get out of hand.

I was reminded of this as I read this article at Working Mother magazine. The writer, Tracy Evans, has some funny examples to share. For instance, she put a bunch of information online (birthdays, upcoming events, contact info, etc.), then later she couldn't find the link to get back to the info.  

Personally, I make lists - dozens of them - and then I put them in places that I think I'll remember. Naturally, they get lost and I find them weeks later (only to be reminded of the urgent things I haven't done). Just this week I found a Word document on my computer called "Master To Do List - READ." It was from earlier in 2009 and I have no idea what it contains. I'm too freaked out to open it.

Then there are the lists that I DO find, but they make no sense to me whatsoever. Here's an earlier blog post about that lovely situation.

To try and gain control of this situation, I have now gathered all my lists in one place. At least the ones I could find. They are here on my desk... Time to create a new Word document. "Master To Do List - SERIOUSLY READ THIS ONE!"

10 Signs You Have Momnesia This Holiday Season

1. You forget to buy turkey at the market and end up preparing a chicken nugget holiday dinner.

 

2. Right before the church service you realize you forgot to shower, so you lick a candy cane and smear it on your skin for a fresher smell.

 

3. At work you discover you’re wearing your kids’ holiday stockings instead of socks.

 

 

4. You forget to buy a gift for your child’s teacher, and give her your used Starbucks card with a $13.47 balance.

 

5. You accidentally mail the wrong gift to your nine-year-old nephew...the wrong gift being the edible underwear gag gift for your husband.  

 

 

6. You tie jingle bells to your nursing bra to keep yourself awake.

 

7. You wrap a bazillion gifts, a week later to realize none of them have tags.  

 

 

8. About 25 minutes into the “Meet Santa” line at the mall it hits you: You only came to make a quick exchange at Old Navy. Your kids aren’t even with you.

 

9. After losing the shopping list, you end up using diaper sticky tabs to tape the wrapping paper.

 

 

10. You have no idea whose name you pulled in the family’s Secret Santa gift exchange.

Holiday Tip #2

Here's a classic Momnesia move. 

Your friend sends you an electronic gift certificate for the holidays. 

You receive it and are pleased. You make a *mental* note (BAD MOVE) to save the certificate and print it out later. But guess what? You actually forget about it...

Fast forward to February. Suddenly you remember about the electronic gift certificate. Where it is? Did you delete it? File it? Print it? You have NO idea - and you can't find it anywhere!

You *really* want that thing. It was a substantial amount of money to a site that you really like.  

Then you remember something else: You never even thanked your friend for the gift. 

So now you either (a) just forget the whole thing. (Ugh!) Or (b) write a note to your friend saying, "Thank you for the gift certificate you send me two months ago. Could you possibly resend it?"

Either way, not ideal. 

So Holiday Tip #2: If you get a gift certificate over e-mail reply right away with a thank you. And spend the money that instant! Preferably on some memory-enhancing vitamins. 

Holiday Tip #1

 
Unofficial studies (a.k.a. input from friends) indicates that Momnesia becomes far more intense during the holiday season. So here, to help you cope, we present a series of tips. Today we'll cover Tip #1: Don't Lose the Stash.

Maybe you've been on top of things this year. You've been buying gifts since June and stashing them away. You've been so efficient, all your shopping is done ahead of time.

Unfortunately, you've been stashing the gifts in random places all over the house, and you have no idea where 50% of them are.

 

Listen, it happens.

To avoid this classic mishap, you'll want to establish a strategy early on. Choose one central location. Maybe you could stash the gifts under a bed, for instance. But this is a place that kids might look, so be sure to add some low-key but threatening signs.

You could also create a huge pile in the garage and cover it with blankets. "But my kids will surely be curious!" you say. Well, that's why you have to act like you're collecting something of NO interest to them.  

Finally, you could hide smaller items somewhere where your kids will never go. Such as your cabinet of cleaning supplies. Or the vegetable drawer in your fridge.

Whatever you do, pick one or two places and stick with it! Either that, or forget shopping early and just go online December 19 and buy everything in a mad rush.

We'll see you back here soon for Tip #2.

No Halloween Candy? No Problem.

One year I almost forgot to buy Halloween candy. Almost.

I kept putting it off because I knew I would just end up opening the bag and eating most of the candy. Then on Halloween day I was busy and didn't remember until late afternoon that we HAD NO CANDY. Luckily I secured some before the doorbell started ringing.

But what if I had been empty handed? And what if you find yourself in a similar situation? Or if you run out of candy before the night is through?

Here are some things you can give out if you *don't* have candy:

 
 

 Of course, this may lead to...

 Happpy Halloween!

Disconcerting announcements

When you live with little kids, you're bound to hear them say some pretty funny things. Imaginative things. Cute things.

Then there are the things that make you go:

Here are just a couple things my kids have said lately that fall into the "Oh no" category. 

  
 

Sigh.

And just now, as I was posting this, another example materialized. I heard my three-year-old walking toward the stairs. She was talking to herself, saying "Be careful... don't dwop it... be careful..."

I better go.